How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, it turned itself in.
What do you call a woman that works like a man??
Lazy.
How do you know if your man is dead?
The sex is the same, but there's less ironing.
When is the best time to fake an orgasm?
When a rottweiler is humping your leg.
Having lawyers make laws is like having doctors make diseases.
Don’t marry a tennis player.
Love means nothing to them.
Cricket
A blonde in a bar is hunched over her martini spearing at the olive with a cocktail stick.
A dozen times the olive eludes her until a man sitting next to her grabs the stick and skewers it for her.
‘That’s the way to do it,’ he says.
‘Big deal,’ replies the blonde.
‘You’d never have got it unless I’d tired it out first.’
A blonde wanders into a library and says, ‘Can I have a burger and fries?’
The librarian says, ‘I’m sorry, but this is a library.’
The blonde whispers, ‘Can I have a burger and fries?’
Did you hear about the blonde who was treated in the emergency room for concussion and severe head wounds?
She’d tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungee cord.
He drank like a fish.
Which would have been okay if he’d drunk what the fish drinks.