You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life?
In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.
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When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
Q: What did Jesus tell the Mexicans just before he died?
A: Act stupid until I get back.
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What do you call a man with a rabbit up his jumper?
Warren.
Barcelona beats every team in the world, Chuck Norris can beat Barcelona... by himself.
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Chuck Norris was supposed to be in the movie Halloween but the director thought it would be kind of stupid for Michael Meyers to stab himself in fear.
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Once Chuck Norris rubbed a magical lamp, nothing came out.
The genie ain't stupid.
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When Chuck Norris went to Easter island, he couldn't understand why other tourists kept asking him to pose for photos next to the stone monoliths.
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‘Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital.
They lay there and looked at each other.
Their families came and took them away.
Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other.
One of them looked at the other and said, “So, what did you think?”’
Steven Wright
Question: How do you fix a woman’s watch?
Answer: You don’t.
There’s a clock on the stove.