If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.
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Patient: "Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?"
Dentist: "Wear a brown tie..."
Why did the zombie baby cross the road?
He was stapled to the chicken.
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Boy Monster: Did you get the big red heart I sent you for Valentine's?
Girl Monster: Yes, I did. Thank you.
Boy Monster: Is it still beating?
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Yo' Mama is so fat, you have to slap her thigh and ride the wave in to have sex with her.
The Beatles originally sang "All you need is Chuck Norris".
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Q: What did Jesus tell the Mexicans just before he died?
A: Act stupid until I get back.
What do you call a man with a rabbit up his jumper?
Warren.
Barcelona beats every team in the world, Chuck Norris can beat Barcelona... by himself.
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Chuck Norris was supposed to be in the movie Halloween but the director thought it would be kind of stupid for Michael Meyers to stab himself in fear.
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