What do you call a woman that works like a man??
Lazy.
How do you know if your man is dead?
The sex is the same, but there's less ironing.
When is the best time to fake an orgasm?
When a rottweiler is humping your leg.
Having lawyers make laws is like having doctors make diseases.
Don’t marry a tennis player.
Love means nothing to them.
Cricket
Did you hear about the blonde who was treated in the emergency room for concussion and severe head wounds?
She’d tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungee cord.
He drank like a fish.
Which would have been okay if he’d drunk what the fish drinks.
Why is Cinderella such a bad football player?
Because she has a pumpkin for a coach and she ran away from the ball.
I gave up alcohol last year.
It was the longest 20 minutes of my life.
How do you make a blonde’s eyes sparkle?
Shine a torch into her ear.