Yo momma's so old she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said Lil Mary will never amount to anything.
Q: What is height of Suicide?
A: A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
Vote:
If your girlfriend never makes you angry, she is fake. A real one acts like an evil spirit.
Jill and John got married. John thought this would be a "marriage of the 90's" -- equal roles for equal partners. So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, he brought Jill breakfast in bed.
Jill wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however.
She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted, "Poached?
I wanted scrambled!" Undaunted, the next morning, John brought his true love a scrambled egg.
Jill wasn't having any of it.
"Do you think I don't like variety?
I wanted poached this morning!"
Yo Mama so fat her BMI is measured in acres.
What's black and white, black and white, and black and white?
(A panda bear rolling down a hill!)
Wife to husband: ‘I need a new dress.’
Husband: ‘What’s wrong with the dress you’ve got?’
Wife: ‘It’s too long and the veil keeps getting in my eyes.’
When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law before a crime, we call him an accomplice.
When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law after a crime, we call him a defence lawyer.
Why did the lumberjack get nowhere with the internet?
He kept logging on and off.
A dog with three legs walks into a Wild West bar and says, ‘I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.’