A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant. "No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
Yo mama is fat, she got a triple-double chin.
How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday Night morning? "Tell her a joke on Monday Morning."
What do you do if your dishwasher breaks down? Kick her where the sun don't shine.
Yo mama so stupid she stab her self with a shooting gun.
What is so special about the retirement age? "It is the time when one acquires sufficient experience to lose one's job."
Little Johnny wasn't a very good at speller. One day, during a spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the blackboard. "Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we have if we placed a "K" in the front?" After thinking a few seconds, Johnny said, "Canoe?"
And these kids do not deserve a present from me, because they have not been eating well this year, - said Santa Claus, flying over the starving kids in Sudan.
You know what I was thinking about right now? What it would be like to have six fingers....high fives would be different.
You ever accidentally go up to a real big fat person, and you accidentally ask them for a good place to eat? And they look at you and say they don't know. And you're looking at them, like, 'You do know. I bet if I follow you for an hour, we gonna be eatin'.