Panic: When your babysitter calls to ask where you keep the fire extinguisher.
Cats took many thousands of years to domesticate humans.
What’s five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A blonde parade.
What’s the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal?
The Panama Canal is a busy ditch.
How does a blonde answer the question, ‘Are you sexually active?’
‘No, I just lie there.’
What does a blonde say after having sex?
What team do you guys play for?
What’s the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
They know how many men went down on the Titanic.
A blonde working in the coffin industry was thinking of various ways to improve her business.
She thought perhaps a good way to do it would be to emulate the success of the fashion store across the street which had done very well with it's new "Buy 1, Get 1 Free" deal.
Soon, a man walks in.
"I would like a coffin for my father. But these coffins are very expensive!"
"Well, sir, you'll be happy to know we have a 'Buy 1, Get 1 Free' deal!"
The customer left.
A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.
"Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.
He tried to stand up again but fell face first into the mud.
"Screw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home."
The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.
"You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said.
"Uh, yes," he said sheepishly.
"How did you know?"
"You left your wheelchair at the bar again."
A retired couple had dinner at their friends’ house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went to the kitchen. The two men were talking and one said, “We've been going to a new restaurant and it’s really great.
I’d recommend it very highly.”
The other man asked, “What’s the name of the place?”
The first man thought awhile and finally said, “What are those flowers you send a woman you love?
The ones with red petals and thorns?”
“You must mean roses,” he replied.
“That’s it,” said the man.
He yelled to his wife, “Rose, what’s the name of the restaurant we like?”
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