Best jokes ever

A man who goes into the pub optimistically often comes out misty optically.
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has 34.87 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
How is cat food sold? Usually purr can!
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has 34.87 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: animal
Mortal: What is a million years like to you? God: Like one second. Mortal: What is a million pounds like to you? God: Like one penny. Mortal: Can I have a penny? God: Just a second…
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has 34.87 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: money
OK, who put a stop payment on my reality check?
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has 34.87 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: money
How come niggers don’t drive convertible cars? Because they’re lips would wave on the wind and stick on their faces.
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has 34.85 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: racist
Q: How do Asians name their babies? A: They throw a can down the stairs.
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has 34.80 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: asian, baby, black humor, morbid
Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy. "Bet you $10 he won't," said the second guy. Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money. "I can't take your money," said the first guy. "I cheated you. The same story was on the five o'clock news." "No, no. Take it," said the second guy. "I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"
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has 34.78 % from 6 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A woman was driving down the highway about 75 miles an hour, when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following her. Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed. When she looked back again, their were two motorcycles following her. She shot up to 90 miles. The next time she looked around, there were three cops following her. Suddenly, she spotted a gas station looming ahead. She screeched to a stop and ran into the lady's room. Ten minutes later, she innocently walked out. The three cops were standing their waiting for her. Without batting an eye, she said coyly, "I'll bet none of you thought I would make it."
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has 34.78 % from 6 votes. More jokes about: cop
What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat? Divorce him.
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has 34.78 % from 6 votes. More jokes about: men
A drunk guy in Alaska decides to go ice fishing. He starts sawing a hole in the ice, when a loud booming voice says, "You will find no fish there." The drunk looks up, ignores it, and continues on. The voice booms again, "You will find no fish under the ice." The drunk looks up and says, "God, is that you?" The voice says, "No, I'm the manager of this ice rink."
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has 34.78 % from 6 votes. More jokes about: sport
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