What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat? Divorce him.
A drunk guy in Alaska decides to go ice fishing. He starts sawing a hole in the ice, when a loud booming voice says, "You will find no fish there." The drunk looks up, ignores it, and continues on. The voice booms again, "You will find no fish under the ice." The drunk looks up and says, "God, is that you?" The voice says, "No, I'm the manager of this ice rink."
What’s a swimmer’s favourite sport? Pool.
What do you see when you look into a blonde’s eyes? The back of her head.
What’s blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette…? A blonde doing cartwheels.
Yesterday I saw a man trying to chat up a cheetah. ‘Hello,’ I thought. ‘He’s trying to pull a fast one.’
The cost of living is the difference between your net income and your gross habits!
Q. How do men define a long-term relationship? A. A second date.
Q: What did the deaf, blind, mute girl get for Christmas? A: Cancer.
What do you call a virgin on a waterbed? A cherry float.