A blonde wanders into a library and says, ‘Can I have a burger and fries?’
The librarian says, ‘I’m sorry, but this is a library.’
The blonde whispers, ‘Can I have a burger and fries?’
What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits!
A man walks by a table in a casino and passes three men and a dog playing cards.
‘That’s a very smart dog,’ says the man.
‘He’s not so clever,’ says one of the players.
‘Every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail.’
A man orders a pint of beer, notices it tastes sour and complains to the barman.
‘What are you moaning about?’ says the barman.
‘You’ve only got a pint of that rubbish, I’ve got three barrels full.’
What’s the hardest thing about learning to ice skate?
The ice.
Dick goes into a rough bar and orders a drink.
A man sidles up to him and says, ‘I can see you’re a stranger in here.’
‘Why, yes,’ says Dick.
‘How could you tell?’
The man replies, ‘You’ve taken your hand off your glass.’
How do you change a blonde’s mind?
Blow in her ear.
My grandfather came from a very poor family.
The only time he tasted meat was when he bit his tongue.
How do you make a blonde’s eyes sparkle?
Shine a torch into her ear.
We were so poor we couldn’t get rid of the roaches in our house because they paid half the rent.