Chuck Norris doesn't have to do anything for a Klondike bar.
Chuck Norris' sweat is used to disinfect operating rooms.
A teenage boy overdosed on ten bottles of Viagra. Not only is he lucky to be alive, he’s lucky not to have taken his eye out.
What is the difference between a fridge and a kid? A fridge doesn't shout when you put your meat inside it.
Billy: "I was playing basketball and an Asian crossed me." Mark: "Haha, how does an Asian cross you?" Billy: "Because he crosses multiplies."
Q: How do you start a black parade? A: Roll a 40 down the street.
Q: Who were the first two black women? A: Aunt Jemima and Mother Fucker!
Q: Why do women have tiny feet? A: So they can stand closer to the sink.
You know what I was thinking about right now? What it would be like to have six fingers....high fives would be different.
When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.