What’s blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette…?
A blonde doing cartwheels.
Yesterday I saw a man trying to chat up a cheetah.
‘Hello,’ I thought.
‘He’s trying to pull a fast one.’
He drank so much beer that when he ate a peanut you could hear the splash.
A 7-year-old boy and a 40-year old man are walking together in a dark forest.
The young boy says, "I'm afraid..." The 40-year-old man replies," You're afraid?!
I have to walk out of here alone!"
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A: You don't share a toothbrush with your friends.
A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car.
"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line.
"Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."
A trio of old veterans were bragging about the heroic exploits of their ancestors one afternoon down at the VFW hall.
“My great grandfather, at age 13,” one declared proudly, “was a drummer boy at Shiloh.”
“Mine,” boasts another, “went down with Custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn.”
“I’m the only soldier in my family,” confessed vet number three, “but if my great grandfather was living today he’d be the most famous man in the world.”
“Really? What’d he do?” his friends wanted to know.
“Nothing much. But he would be 165 years old.”
Vote:
Software isn’t released, it’s allowed to escape.
Tom was a model husband.
Mind you, he wasn’t a working model.
Marriage is bit like having a meal at a self-service buffet: you get exactly what you want, but when you see what another man’s got on his plate you fancy a bit of that as well.