Best jokes ever

How are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
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has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: husband, men, work
A little monster was learning to play the violin,' I'm good, aren't I?' he asked his big brother. 'You should be on the radio,' said his brother. 'You think I'm that good?' 'No, I think you're terrible, but if you were on the radio, I could switch you off !
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has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: money, music
Men are like.....Vacations. They never seem to be long enough.
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has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: holiday, men
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead wake up on an island with a gun. Only three bullets were in the barrel. "I'm going hunting," said the redhead, and she ran into the vegetation. She came back with a rabbit. "How did you get that?" the other two asked. "I followed the tracks, shot it and brought it back. The brunette, thinking that she could do better, went out and came back with a deer. "How did you get that?" the other two asked. "I followed the tracks, shot it and brought it back. "I could do better than either of you" said the blonde and ran into the forest and came back with bruises and scrapes. "What happened?" they asked. "I followed the tracks and got hit by a train."
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has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: blonde
A guy walked into a bar and said "Beers for everyone, even you, Bartender." But when it was time to pay, the guy didn't have the money, so the bartender beat him up. The next day the guy did the same thing, ordered a beer for everyone, even the bartender, and the bartender beat him up since the guy couldn't pay. Then the next day, the guy said "Beers for everyone! But not you, bartender!" The bartender said "Why?" The guy replyed "You're violent when you're drunk!"
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has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
One cutting edge aquarium saved a lot of money when its owner discovered a means to make the dolphins live forever -- since the dolphins never died, no money needed to be spent on buying new ones. Extending the dolphins' lives required putting a special mixture into their food; one of the ingredients was baby sea gull meat. So one day, one of the workers was sent to the beach to find some. On the way back, baby sea gulls in hand, he had to pass through a forest. In the middle of the path was a sleeping lion. He very carefully stepped over it, only to be handcuffed by a policeman. "Officer," he said, "what's going on?" "You're under arrest," said the policeman. "But why?" he asked. The policeman replied, "For transporting young gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises."
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has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: cop
What's the difference between an intelligent man and a UFO? I don't know, I've never seen either one.
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has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: men
I backed a horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four.
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has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: horse
I’ve got one those special filter programmes on my Internet access. It’s really handy, it blocks out everything except porn sites.
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has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: IT
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
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has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
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