Best jokes ever

Men are like.....Vacations. They never seem to be long enough.
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has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: holiday, men
It's legal to earn money playing hockey Many people play hockey even after they're married The puck's always hard The protective equipment is reusable It lasts at least an hour A two-on-one or a three-on-one is not uncommon You always know how big the stick is You can clean your stick in public without anyone minding You can change players on the fly You don't have to be embarrassed if you don't get the puck up Everyone is finished when the buzzer sounds Your parents cheer when you score Periods last only 20 minutes You're sure to get it at least twice a week You can tell your friends about it afterwards.
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has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: marriage, money, sport, time
Q. Why is a blonde like a door knob? A. Because everybody gets a turn.
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has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: blonde
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead wake up on an island with a gun. Only three bullets were in the barrel. "I'm going hunting," said the redhead, and she ran into the vegetation. She came back with a rabbit. "How did you get that?" the other two asked. "I followed the tracks, shot it and brought it back. The brunette, thinking that she could do better, went out and came back with a deer. "How did you get that?" the other two asked. "I followed the tracks, shot it and brought it back. "I could do better than either of you" said the blonde and ran into the forest and came back with bruises and scrapes. "What happened?" they asked. "I followed the tracks and got hit by a train."
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has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: blonde
A guy walked into a bar and said "Beers for everyone, even you, Bartender." But when it was time to pay, the guy didn't have the money, so the bartender beat him up. The next day the guy did the same thing, ordered a beer for everyone, even the bartender, and the bartender beat him up since the guy couldn't pay. Then the next day, the guy said "Beers for everyone! But not you, bartender!" The bartender said "Why?" The guy replyed "You're violent when you're drunk!"
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has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
One cutting edge aquarium saved a lot of money when its owner discovered a means to make the dolphins live forever -- since the dolphins never died, no money needed to be spent on buying new ones. Extending the dolphins' lives required putting a special mixture into their food; one of the ingredients was baby sea gull meat. So one day, one of the workers was sent to the beach to find some. On the way back, baby sea gulls in hand, he had to pass through a forest. In the middle of the path was a sleeping lion. He very carefully stepped over it, only to be handcuffed by a policeman. "Officer," he said, "what's going on?" "You're under arrest," said the policeman. "But why?" he asked. The policeman replied, "For transporting young gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises."
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has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: cop
What's the difference between an intelligent man and a UFO? I don't know, I've never seen either one.
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has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: men
I backed a horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four.
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has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: horse
I’ve got one those special filter programmes on my Internet access. It’s really handy, it blocks out everything except porn sites.
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has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: IT
How did the blonde die drinking milk? The cow fell on her.
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has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: blonde
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