A guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orders a Grape Nehi.
Surprised, the bartender looks around and says, "you ain't from around here...where you from, boy?"
The guy says, "I'm from Pennsylvania."
The bartender asks, "Whatchu do up in Pennsylvania?"
The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender asks, "A taxidermist...what the hell is a taxidermist?"
The guy says, "I mount dead animals."
The bartender smiles and shouts to the whole bar, "It's OK boys, he's one of us."
There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods...
Cats have never forgotten this.
Here's proof that Cats are smarter than dogs...
You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later.
People who hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life.Dogs believe they are human.
Cats believe they are God!
Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel.
I got rid of my husband.
The cat was allergic.My husband said it was him or the cat...
I miss him sometimes.
Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit!
Q: What do you call an eternity?
A: Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
Yo mama's so black she went to night school and got marked absent.
What do you call a baby on a stick?
A Kebabie.
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What is a Zebra?
A Z-bra is 25 sizes bigger than an A-bra.
A pollock walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist if he sells condoms.
We have some for 75 cents a peace.
The man asks for two.
The pharmacist calculates the total and says, "That will be $1.58 with tax, sir."
The pollock says, "Oh, these come with tacks? I was wondering how you keep them on."
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Why did the dolphin feel crabby?
Because he ate too many crabs.
Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a women?
A: The pizza can be eaten but the women can't!
Superman's weakness isn't kryptonite, it's obvious who it is...
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