You know what I was thinking about right now? What it would be like to have six fingers....high fives would be different.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
Wife to husband: ‘I need a new dress.’ Husband: ‘What’s wrong with the dress you’ve got?’ Wife: ‘It’s too long and the veil keeps getting in my eyes.’
If you use Chuck Norris in a game of Rock-Paper-Scissors, you automatically win.
Chuck Norris has an iPhone with whole apple.
Which is the only day you you are safe in a cannibal village? Sitter days (when they eat the baby-sitter instead)!
Q. What mode do you use in maths? A. Multi-plyers.
Santa Clause, The Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy were all real at one time... then they met Chuck. There can only be 1 living legend.
Yo mama so fat when she uses a space shuttle as a vibrator.