A client calls to hotline of internet service provider: "I have a problem, internet stopped working two days ago, neither I nor my son nor anyone else can access it now..." "I see, do you know what's the operating system on your PC?" "Of course, I do - it's Facebook..."
I came downstairs this morning and my wife asked me what I wanted for breakfast. So I said, ‘Eggs, bacon, fried bread and mushrooms.’ At least that’s what I meant to say. What I actually said was, ‘You’ve ruined my life, you fat ugly witch.’
What do you call a bunch of niggers in a school bus? A rotten banana.
We love Facebook but we hate the face of book.
Q: What do you call a black and white thing rolling down a hill A: A maori and a segull fighting over a fishhead.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb? As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.
She has her husband eating out of the palm of her hand – it saves on the washing-up.
He was such an egotist that he joined the navy so the world could see him.
A Preacher and a lawyer both go to heaven at the same time and the Preacher receives his gifts that he had expected and he sees that the lawyer gets this big house and pool. The Peacher asked God: "Why is it that I get the things I've wanted, but the lawyer gets all that?" God Replied: "He is the first lawyer to make it into Heaven."
Is it just me, or do alligators always look like they are in the middle of a push-up?