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Q: What do you get when you mix English class with alcohol? A: Tequila Mockingbird
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Harry, to Tom: ‘I went to the dentist this morning.’ Tom: ‘So does your tooth still hurt?’ Harry: ‘I don’t know; he kept it.’
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A snail goes into a bar and orders a beer. The barman says, "sorry we don't serve snails" and throws him out. A couple of weeks later the snail goes into the bar again and says,"What did you do that for!?"
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How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? Shoot him before he hits the water.
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I certainly do not drink all the time, I have to sleep you know.
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How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
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A very short painter walks into a Parisian bar and offers to buy his friend a drink. His friend, rushing out of the door, shouts, ‘Can’t stop now, no time Toulouse.’
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Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common? A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!
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Q: Why doesn't Simon Cowell drink whiskey? A: Because it makes him mean!
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What’s five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A blonde parade.
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