Bears only poop in the woods when Chuck Norris says its ok..
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When Chuck Norris say it's hot, people sweat.
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Guns need a licence to bear Chuck Norris.
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A blonde, a priest, a doctor, a nurse, a brunette, a redhead, a lawyer, a rabbi, a musician, a farmer, a lawyer, an accountant, a Mexican, an Indian, a Chinaman, an Irishman, an Englishman an American, A Russian, an Iraqi, Hilary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Sarah Palin, George W Bush, Osama Bin laden and Barack Obama walked into a bar.
The barman said, "Hang on a minute, is this some sort of joke?"
What's the best way to pick up a Jewish girl?
Bring a dustpan to Auschwitz
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Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.
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Q: Why some people are black?
A: Cause the iris diaphragm received much light.
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A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island.
After one month the woman says:
"I can not proceed in this way."
And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they dig up the woman.
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A math teacher asks a pupil, what are 3, 5, 7 and 11?
The pupil thinks for a moment and then replies, "On 3 there is cartoon network, on 5 we have cartoon network, on 7 dad checks out news-bulletin and the channel that comes by pressing 11 on the remote is FTV, which my brother watches late at night."
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Insurance never covers you against damage sustained by Chuck Norris, as it's classed as an Act of God!
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