Men are like buses.
They have spare tires and smell funny.
He: Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in
the worst way.
She: Well, you succeeded.
A cop is staking out a bar for drunk drivers.
At closing time, he sees a guy stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and fumble for his keys for five minutes.
When he finally gets in, it takes him another five minutes to get the key in the ignition.
Meanwhile, everybody else leaves the bar and drives off.
When he finally pulls away, the cop is waiting for him, pulls him over, and gives him a Breathalyzer test. The test shows he has a blood alcohol level of 0.0.
The cop says, "How is this possible?"
The guy says,"Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
A: About three pounds, including the urn.
How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
What do you call an afghan virgin
Mever bin laid on
An apple and a black person both fall off a tree at the exact same time who hits the ground first?
The apple because the rope catches the black person.
Vote:
Santa delivers to Chuck Norris' house first.
Vote:
Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.
A blonde goes horseback riding for the first time in her life, she's never had any prior lessons or training.
As soon as her bottom hits the saddle, the horse gallops away.
Immediately the girl realizes she's not in the saddle correctly and she does everything she can to stay on the horse, she pulls on the horse's mane, she grabs the saddle ... but she realizes it's no use.
Finally she decides the best thing to do is to jump clear of the horse but as she does this, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup and she is dragged by the horse.
Her head is hitting the ground ... thump ... thump ... thump ... over and over again.
Just as she is about to lose consciousness ..... the store manager runs out and unplugs the horse!
Vote: