A cop is staking out a bar for drunk drivers.
At closing time, he sees a guy stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and fumble for his keys for five minutes.
When he finally gets in, it takes him another five minutes to get the key in the ignition.
Meanwhile, everybody else leaves the bar and drives off.
When he finally pulls away, the cop is waiting for him, pulls him over, and gives him a Breathalyzer test. The test shows he has a blood alcohol level of 0.0.
The cop says, "How is this possible?"
The guy says,"Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
A: About three pounds, including the urn.
How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
Yo mama is so fat a bus hit her and she said a mosquito.
Q: What do you call a bunch of black people running up a hill?
A: Backed up sewage.
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What do you call an afghan virgin
Mever bin laid on
Tom to Dick: ‘My mother made me a homosexual.’
Dick: ‘If I bought her enough wool would she make me one as well?’
An apple and a black person both fall off a tree at the exact same time who hits the ground first?
The apple because the rope catches the black person.
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Q: What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve?
A: I haven't seen you for a year!
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Santa delivers to Chuck Norris' house first.
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