There will always be death and taxes.
However, death doesn’t get worse every year.
What are cat-erpillars afraid of?
Dog-erpillars.
My wife and I have a joint account.
I deposit money and she withdraws it.
Liquor may be a slow poison, but who’s in a hurry?
Q: What do you call a cow that's had an abortion?
A: De-calf-i-nated.
Q. What's the difference between men and government bonds?
A. Bonds mature.
Q: Where did the newlywed horses stay?
A: In the bridle suite.
The other day a friend and myself decided to try out an aerobics video because we were both feeling very unfit.
We put the tape in and started to copy the movements.
After a few minutes we had chopped each other's arms off with chain-saws.
It was only then that we realized that I had accidentally put "Psycho Killers III" in the video by mistake!
How we laughed!!!!
Vote:
Daughter: Mom,does God go to bathroom?
Mom: Why? my child..
Daughter: Today in the morning I heard papa said, "Please God let me go to the bathroom..."
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder.
Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky.
Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."