My husband and I married for better or worse.
He couldn’t do better and I couldn’t do worse.
What is so special about the retirement age?
"It is the time when one acquires sufficient experience to lose one's job."
Vote:
The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!"
Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: ''I love the simple things in life, but I don't want one of them for my husband''.
Why do women always fart only when they go to the bathroom?
They have to blow dry—and there's nothing to shake.
Vote:
Chuck Norris doesn't need health care, everyone in his viewing range does.
Vote:
Guns need a licence to bear Chuck Norris.
Vote:
How does the LAPD play poker?
Four clubs beat a king.
A man had an idea that could make him rich. After it was perfected he brought it to an inventors' help group.
When asked what his great invention was, he pulled out an apple.
The group looked at it and started laughing.
The inventor said, "You don't understand! Taste it."
A volunteer tried it and said, "Mmmmmmm, tastes like peaches."
The inventor said, "Flip it over."
He flipped it over and took another chunk of the apple. "Mmmmmmmm, tastes like grapes."
The inventor offered a new apple and the volunteer said, "What does it taste like?"
"Pussy," said the inventor.
The guy bit into it, and spit it out with an awful look on his face and shouted, "That tasted like ass!"
The inventor winked and said, "Flip it over."
How do teddy bears keep their den cool in summer?
(They use bear conditioning!)