Jesus won't come back again. Why? Because he know you will kill him and see if he will wake up again.
A client calls to hotline of internet service provider: "I have a problem, internet stopped working two days ago, neither I nor my son nor anyone else can access it now..." "I see, do you know what's the operating system on your PC?" "Of course, I do - it's Facebook..."
There were these two guys in a bar, which was on the 20th floor of a building. The first man said " I bet you $100 I can jump out that window and come straight back in!" The second man says "Ok, sure." and the barman holds the bet. The first man jumps out the window and disappears for a second before jumping straight back in. Disappointed about losing the $100, the second man says: " I'll bet you another $100 you can't do it again." So the barman holds the bet. Sure enough, the first man jumps out the window, disappears for a second, then jumps straight back in. Thinking he must have caught a freak gust of wind, the second man says "Ok, I bet you $300 I can jump out the window and come straight back in." The first man says" Ok, sure." The second man jumps out the window and falls to the footpath below. He is dead. Back up in the bar, the barman says to the first man " Gee, you can be a bastard when you're pissed, Superman."
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb? As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.
What's the difference between a baby and a grandmother? Grandmothers don't die when you fuck them up the ass.
Chuck was once on the Olympics and he won all the medals but he was disqualifyed for roundhouse kicking the judges because they misspelled his name.
Chuck Norris doesn't solve math - math solves Chuck Norris.
How do you know when your sister is on her period? Your dad's dick tastes like blood.
Chuck Norris knows the last number of infinity.
Yo mama's so black every time she gets in a car the check oil light comes on.