Best jokes ever

This elderly Italian guy goes to his parish priest and asked if he would hear his confession. The priest assured him that he would, and the two took up the customary positions on either side of the divider. "Well, Father," began the old man, "At the beginning of World War II a beautiful Jewish woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans. So I hid her in my attic, and they never found her." "That's a wonderful thing," interjected the priest, "But it's certainly nothing you need to confess!" "It's gets worse Father," continued the elderly fellow, "I was weak and I told her that she had to repay me for hiding her, by providing me with sexual favors." The priest contemplated this disclosure for a minute and then responded, "Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a very large risk. You would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her. I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil of your acts, and judge you kindly." "Thank you Father," said the old man. "That's a load off my mind! Can I ask another question?" "Of course, my son," said the priest. The old man asked, "Do I have to tell her that the war is over?"
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has 30.11 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: military
When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: ''I love the simple things in life, but I don't want one of them for my husband''.
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has 30.11 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Chuck Norris has a Roundhouse Kick button on his Facebook page, and when he deletes a friend they actually die.
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has 30.11 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, Facebook
A client calls to hotline of internet service provider: "I have a problem, internet stopped working two days ago, neither I nor my son nor anyone else can access it now..." "I see, do you know what's the operating system on your PC?" "Of course, I do - it's Facebook..."
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has 30.05 % from 210 votes. More jokes about: customer service, Facebook, internet, IT, technology
There were these two guys in a bar, which was on the 20th floor of a building. The first man said " I bet you $100 I can jump out that window and come straight back in!" The second man says "Ok, sure." and the barman holds the bet. The first man jumps out the window and disappears for a second before jumping straight back in. Disappointed about losing the $100, the second man says: " I'll bet you another $100 you can't do it again." So the barman holds the bet. Sure enough, the first man jumps out the window, disappears for a second, then jumps straight back in. Thinking he must have caught a freak gust of wind, the second man says "Ok, I bet you $300 I can jump out the window and come straight back in." The first man says" Ok, sure." The second man jumps out the window and falls to the footpath below. He is dead. Back up in the bar, the barman says to the first man " Gee, you can be a bastard when you're pissed, Superman."
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has 29.98 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, celebrity, drunk
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb? As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.
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has 29.98 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: black humor
What's the difference between a baby and a grandmother? Grandmothers don't die when you fuck them up the ass.
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has 29.98 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
Chuck was once on the Olympics and he won all the medals but he was disqualifyed for roundhouse kicking the judges because they misspelled his name.
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has 29.98 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, sport
Chuck Norris doesn't solve math - math solves Chuck Norris.
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has 29.98 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, math
How do you know when your sister is on her period? Your dad's dick tastes like blood.
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has 29.97 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: dad, disgusting, sex
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