This website may not be idiot proof, but at least it’s dimwit resistant.
My wife and I lead a quiet life.
The last time we went out together was when the gas boiler exploded.
A bra and a set of jumper leads walked into a bar and asked for two tui's the bar man said"sorry i cant serve you."
the bra and jumper leads answered back"why not" the bar man said"your off your tits and you lock like your about to start something".
A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting a ball and bat: "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!" Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed. "Strike One!" he yelled.
Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!" He tossed the ball into the air.
When it came down he missed again. "Strike Two!" he cried.
The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball carefully. He spit on his hands and rubbed them together.
He straightened his cap and said once more, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!"
Again he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it.
He missed. "Strike Three!"
"Wow!" he exclaimed. "I'm the greatest pitcher in the world!"
Q. How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
A1. "What's a light bulb?"
A2. One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3. Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"
Vote:
Q: How do you fit 60,000 Jews in a minivan?
A: With a dustpan.
Vote:
How do you know when your sister is on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes like blood.
Vote:
What's the best way to pick up a Jewish girl?
Bring a dustpan to Auschwitz
Vote:
E=mc squared.
E multiplied by mc squared=Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick.
Vote:
Q: Why do women have periods?
A: Because they deserve them.