What did the dad say when his son said, "Dad I'm tired of walking in circles?" "Shut up kid or I'll nail your other foot to the ground."
Q: What do you get when you mix cigarettes with hot water? A: A soggy butt.
What do you call a bunch of niggers in a school bus? A rotten banana.
Two old ladies are in a restaurant. One complains, "You know, the food here is just terrible." The other shakes her head and adds, "And such small portions."
Q: What did the big turnip say to the little turnip A: When did you turn up?
I sent my young son to pick up ice cream, I handed him some money and a coupon. Later he came home with the ice cream and the coupon. When I asked him what happened, he replied, “Mom I had enough money. I didn’t need the coupon.”
Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme play tug a war with live annacondas.
A man in a balaclava with a gun asked, "Are you a Protestant or a Catholic?" "Neither, I'm a Jew." "But are you a Protestant Jew or a Catholic Jew?"
As my grandmother and I were walking towards the United Nations Building in New York City, we came upon a street evangelist who was trying to get the attention of passersby. He urged those near him to flee from the wrath to come. “I warn you,” he roared, “that there will be weeping, and wailing, and gnashing of teeth!” An old woman in the crowd shouted snidely: “Sir, I have no teeth!” “Lady,” the evangelist retorted, “teeth will be provided!”
A man has 6 items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.