Are you lost, ma'am? Because Heaven's a long way from here.
Anyone want to try the ALS gas bucket challenge HMU.
How do you hide your money from a mexican?
Is it just me, or do alligators always look like they are in the middle of a push-up?
A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked, and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."
Q: What gets wetter the more it dries? A: A towel.
Question: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women? Answer: Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
She has her husband eating out of the palm of her hand – it saves on the washing-up.
Q: What did the emu say to the nurse? A: Mend her bones or walk the plank
What does a white chick and a tampon have in common? They're both stuck up cunts !