How come the women loves the PC?
It’s easier to turn on!
What is the hardest part of making shoe fly pie?
Putting the shoes on the flies!
Why is money called dough?
Because we all knead it!
Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says ''Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here'.
How do you get a Michigan girl into an elevator?
Grease her hips, and throw in a Twinkie.
A guy finally got tickets to the Super Bowl, but his seats were in the nosebleed section -- but he didn't care, he had always dreamed of going to the Super Bowl.
So he wants to find a seat closer to where he can see better.
He finds this seat toward the front and he asks the guy next to it whether anyone is sitting there.
The guy replies, "No, because my wife just died."
"Well," says the first man, "why didn't you just bring a friend or relative?"
The guy replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool.
The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?"
The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles."
The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served.
Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking.
"You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have."
The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?"
The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar."
How many dead babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil?
It depends on how hard you squeeze them.
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Why fart and waste when you can burp and taste?
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How do you unload a truck of zombie babies?
With a pitchfork.
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