Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over a 100 miles per hour.
"Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel, "see any cops following us?"
The blonde turned around for a long look.
"As a matter of fact, I do."
"Oh, NOOOO!" yelled the brunette.
"Are his flashers on?"
The blonde turned around again.
"Yup...nope...yup...nope...yup..."
Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
Q. What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A. A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.
Mrs. Williams: Ok kids let's play soccer
SMACK!
Anna:OW!
Mrs. Williams: What happened Anna?
Anna: Andy punched me!
Mrs. Williams : Why did you punch Anna,Andy?
Andy: You said let's play sock her, so I did.
I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.
Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
Smith was hit by a car, died, and went to heaven.
And everyone who goes to heaven has to work.
God went up to Smith, and said: Smith, you are going to make babies.
Here is this wheel, and every time you turn it, a baby will come out.
For hours, Smith spun the wheel at full speed, then he started to get tired.
As he was slowing down, a black baby came out...and Smith said: **** I better hurry because they are burning."
My girlfriend used to give amazing blow jobs, but lately they haven't been so great - they are starting to hurt me now since her baby teeth started growing in.
Chuck Norris doesn't go on the Internet, he has every Internet site stored in his memory.
He refreshes webpages by blinking.
Vote:
Yo' Mama is so skanky, her dildo came with jumper cables.
Vote:
Yo mamma so stupid she put her iPhone in the blender and thought it would turn into apple juice.