‘Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.’
Fred Allen
Baby, at midnight we celebrate one year from the last time you kissed me.
Look how time files!
Host migration is Chuck Norris pausing multiplayer.
Vote:
We'll want to preserve Chuck Norris for future generations, when he dies.
We won't be needing cryogenics cos Chuck's already frozen.
Vote:
Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme play tug a war with live annacondas.
Vote:
Chuck Norris checks under his bed for Fedor Emelianenko because he takes Fedor to the vet regularly.
Vote:
All my friends, we was ready for the second riot.
No, not like the first one, where we were just grabbing stuff at random it wouldn't be like that.
I've got a thousand boxes of Pampers; I don't know what I'm going to do with it.
No, no, this time we had a list.
We were going to get the stuff we need.
Everybody on my block has bought a U-Haul..
What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses?
If one bit you, you could ride it to hospital!
Football match Romania – Russia.
Romania wins and receives a telegram from Russia:
“You’ve won!
Stop.
Congratulations!
Stop.
Oil!
Stop.
Gas!
Stop...
Question: What do you call a woman who has lost 95 percent of her intelligence?
Answer: Divorced.