All my friends, we was ready for the second riot.
No, not like the first one, where we were just grabbing stuff at random it wouldn't be like that.
I've got a thousand boxes of Pampers; I don't know what I'm going to do with it.
No, no, this time we had a list.
We were going to get the stuff we need.
Everybody on my block has bought a U-Haul..
Football match Romania – Russia.
Romania wins and receives a telegram from Russia:
“You’ve won!
Stop.
Congratulations!
Stop.
Oil!
Stop.
Gas!
Stop...
What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses?
If one bit you, you could ride it to hospital!
When a woman found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news.
One day later that week, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping.
A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby.
"Yes", he said. "I know what we're going to name it.
If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy, we're going to call it quits.
Question: What do you call a woman who has lost 95 percent of her intelligence?
Answer: Divorced.
Q: Why did the boy come first in the 100 metre sprint?
A: He had athlete's foot.
Chuck Norris can win a football game by spiking a tennis ball over a volleyball net.
Vote:
Men are like vacations – they never seem to be long enough.
Yo mama so fat, her ID pic had to be taken in panoramic mode.
Vote:
Man cannot live on bread alone – he needs a bit of crumpet too.