The hardest thing about prizefighting is picking up your teeth wearing a boxing glove.
Lawyer: ‘Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly?
Did you steal the car?’
Client: ‘After hearing you in court, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.’
Lawyer: ‘Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly?
Did you steal the car?’
Client: ‘After hearing you in court, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.’
A drunk staggers in a Catholic church late one night and collapses in the confessional.
Next morning he’s awoken by the sound of the priest entering the cubicle next to him.
The priest addresses him through the grille.
‘Good morning, my son.
What can I do for you?’
‘You got here just in time,’ replies the drunk.
‘Could you pass over some toilet paper?’
What do you get if you cross a football team and an ice cream?
Aston Vanilla.
What games do ants play with elephants?
Squash!
Why do golfers wear two pairs of trousers?
In case they get a hole in one!
What looks like half a cat?
The other half.
Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow they take away your credit card.
Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him.
Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving.
Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road.
The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box.
It was found to contain large upholstery tacks.
"I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still going to have to write you a ticket."
Amazed, the driver asked for what.
The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion."