Chuck Norris can put out a fire using nothing but gasoline.
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Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.
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Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
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For breakfast Chuck Norris enjoys toast and jellyfish.
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If Chuck Norris drinks too much, he doesn't throw up, he throws down!
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Chuck Norris is the reason why Einstein's theory of relativity is still a theory.
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Arnold Schwarzenegger cannot tell Chuck Norris to "get down!"
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Chuck Norris can count the number of corners in a circle.
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Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar.
The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
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Where does the devil go when he dies?
He goes to Chuck Norris for an eternity of roundhouse kicks.
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The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning.
The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.
One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church.
They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.
The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"
Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir.
The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy.
After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church.
The priest was holding steady in the pulpit.
The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."
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