What do you call ten lawyers buried up to their necks in the sand?
Football practice.
What’s the best way to stop water coming into your house?
Don’t pay the water bill.
An old miser comes into the bank with a huge bag of coins.
‘Gracious,’ says the bank teller.
‘Did you hoard all that yourself?’
‘No,’ replies the miser.
‘My sister whored most of it.’
‘Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in?
I think that’s how dogs spend their lives.’
Sue Murphy
How can you tell if a blonde’s been using the computer?
There’s whiteout on the screen.
How can you tell if two blondes have been using the computer?
There’s writing on the whiteout.
What did the blonde say when someone blew in her bra?
‘Thanks for the refill.’
What did the blonde’s holiday postcard say?
‘Having a wonderful time.
Where am I?’
My cat can talk.
I asked her what two minus two was and she said nothing.
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink and some peanuts.
While drinking, he hears funny voices, but thinks nothing of it.
Again, he hears the funny voices and asks the barman what they are.
The barman points to the peanuts and says, ‘Don’t worry about them.
They are complimentary nuts.’
What job did the blonde have at the M&M factory?
Proofreading.