What's pink and chunky?
A baby with leprosy.
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How many dead babies can fit in a barrel?
4 1/2.
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Men are like.....Blenders.
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
What's yellow and black and makes you laugh ?
A bus full of niggers going over a cliff.
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I’m a very giving lover – I give Green Shield Stamps.
Did you hear the one about the cannibal who passed his brother in the jungle the other day?
I just recently discovered that there is a national holiday named after Atheism. April FOOLS day. Like this story in the name of Jesus.
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Q: Why do two skunks argue?
A: Because they like to kick up a stink.
What is the difference between a blonde and a washing machine?
A washing machine doesn't follow you around for three weeks after you dump your load into it.
Vote:
For thirty years, Officer Johnson had arrived at the police station at 9 A.M. on the dot ready for duty.
He had never missed a day and was never late. Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M. passed without Johnson's arrival in the briefing room, it caused a major sensation.
All announcements and patrol assignments ceased and the sergeant himself, looking at his watch and muttering, stormed out into the corridor. Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, his uniform dusty and torn, his nametag missing, his face scratched and bruised, his shield bent. He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, "I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs. Nearly freakin' killed myself."
And the sergeant said, "And to roll down two flights of stairs took you a whole hour?"