What did the blonde’s holiday postcard say? ‘Having a wonderful time. Where am I?’
My cat can talk. I asked her what two minus two was and she said nothing.
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink and some peanuts. While drinking, he hears funny voices, but thinks nothing of it. Again, he hears the funny voices and asks the barman what they are. The barman points to the peanuts and says, ‘Don’t worry about them. They are complimentary nuts.’
What job did the blonde have at the M&M factory? Proofreading.
He was so mean he had the house sound-proofed so the children wouldn’t be able to hear the ice cream van.
Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
Q: What do you buy at a black guys garage sale? A: Your shit back.
Q: Whats the most worthless thing on a woman's body? A: A Mexican.
Your house is so dirty I saw rats on dirt bikes.
Bad Zoo 1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you. 2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp. 3. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat. 4. The Zookeeper always wants to take the Rhino for a walk. 5. The Lion in the lion cage closely resembles the one from The Lion King. 6. The alligator in the Reptiles exhibit is nothing more than the University of Florida's Mascot. 7. If you deposit 50 cents, the giraffe will magically appear and talk to you. 8. Ask the Tour Guide too many questions and you're suddenly dipped in some sort of sauce and placed in the Tigers den. 9. The Elephant appear to be two guys in a two part Elephant suit. 10. Two words: Hippo Dogs!