Did you hear about the two dumb blonds who went two the drive in theater and froze two death they went two see closed for the winter?
Chuck Norris's kill ratio on Call of Duty:Black Ops is infinity.
Vote:
Lawyer: ‘Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly?
Did you steal the car?’
Client: ‘After hearing you in court, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.’
The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight and not too often.
How do you describe a blonde surrounded by drooling idiots?
Flattered.
Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with disappointments.
He’s such an alcoholic, when pink elephants get drunk, they see him.
Think nobody knows you’re alive?
Try missing a payment.
What’s the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic?
A drunk goes to work.
I had to go round next door and look after my neighbour’s cat while he was away.
Now there’s a great pile of crap and a puddle of wee on his kitchen floor.
Hopefully, he’ll think the cat did it.