Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
It was the chicken's day off.
Yo mama's so fat, when she farted pluto's ice caps melted.
Hey babe, can I get into your penalty box?
High five!
What to polar bears eat for lunch?
(Ice berg-ers!)
Yo mamma’s so fat that if she wants to go piss the toilet would break!
Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I didn’t have.
In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
I told the police I was not injured, but on removing my hat I found that I had a fractured skull.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.
Why did the teacher put the lights on?
Because the class was so dim!
Harry’s so cheap, he didn’t buy his wife a pearl necklace, he got her a length of string and told her to start a collection.
Johnny collected lots of money from trick or treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate.
"You should give that money to charity", said the shopkeeper.
"No, I'll buy the chocolate.
YOU give the money to charity!"
Why is someone who borrows money but does not pay it all back like a football player?
Because sometimes he gives you a quarter back and sometimes a half back.