Why is basketball such a messy sport?
Because you dribble on the floor!
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
He set a new lap record.
Q. Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A. So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
A Yankee walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a cosmopolitan.
The bartender looks at the man and says, "You're not from 'round here are ya?"
"No" replies the man, "I'm from New Hampshire."
The bartender looks at him and says, "Well what do you do in New Hampshire?"
"I'm a taxidermist," says the man.
The bartender looks bewildered, so the man explains, "I mount dead animals."
The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar, "It's OK, boys! He's one of us!"
I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, ''He's trying to pull a fast one''.
When I see you, there's a Ruthian blast in my pants.
High five!
What’s black and white and makes a lot of noise?
A zebra with a drum kit.
Q: What do a bungee jump cord and a hooker have in common?
A: If the rubber breaks you're screwed.
Vote:
One morning I called my girlfriend and his father picked "Hello who are you?"
I heard that heavy voice and quickly replied a while "hey Eric where are you the choir is about to begin?"
"What choir?" he asked.
"Come on Eric stop kidding around and get your ass over here" the father then replied
"Sorry am not Eric and I don't know what you are talking about I am dr Stephen" he said.
I then said "oh sorry I must have misdialled"
I then hang up and decided I am never gonna call that girl again...
Vote:
Yo Mama so ugly, that even titanium broke apart when it saw her.