Can I borrow that book of yours How To Become A Millionaire? Sure. Here you are. Thanks - but half the pages are missing. What's the matter? Isn't half a million enough for you?
The other day was Take Your Daughter To Work day. The Cubs had a fun time, played a little scrimmage against their daughters. Unfortunately they lost, 15-3.
Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their jobs. One guy says, ''I'm a YUPPIE...ya know...Young, Urban, Professional. The second guy says, ''I'm a DINK ...ya know...Double Income No Kids.'' They asked the woman, ''What are you?'' She replied... ''I'm a WIFE...ya know... WASH, IRON, FUCK, ETC.''
Q. Why did the dum blond keep failing her driver's test? A. Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance? A: 144 blondes.
"Jeff, my child, your mother had to stay in the hospital for a few days, cause the stork that brought your baby brother bite her by accident." "Oh, gosh! What a terrible thing to happen to her after such a difficult birth!"
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
Yo mama so damn ugly,her mom throw her out the hospital window when she was born and said"You ugly ass bitch".
How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one, but he is never around when you need him.
There was three Mexicans walking down the street when three old white guys approached them. The first white man said: Whats up wet backs. The first mexican said: I am not wet, I am just greasy from stealing car parts. The second old man said: What the hells that smell, smells like beanery. The second Mexican replies: It don't smell like beanery, we just got back from taco bell. The third mexican says: YaYA, amigo, we just got back from Taco Bell. The third white guys says: I was talking to the bean, not the whole damn burrito.