Make the world your playground. Whenever you miss the sandbox, cover it up. Dragging a sock over it helps. If you can't get your way, lay across the keyboard till you do. When you are hungry, meow loudly so they feed you just to shut you up. Always find a good patch of sun to nap in. Nap often. When in trouble, just purr and look cute. Life is hard, and then you nap. Curiosity never killed anything except maybe a few hours. Variety is the spice of life. One day, ignore people; the next day, annoy them, and play with them when they're busy. Climb your way to the top, that's why the curtains are there. Make your mark in the world, or at least spray in each corner. Always give generously; a bird or rodent left on the bed tells them, "I care".
What's the biggest difference between men and women ? Men are crabby all month long.
How did the blonde die icefishing? She got run over by the zamboni!
How do you get a hundred cows in a barn? You hang up a bingo sign!
Law of Pill Rejection Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
What to polar bears eat for lunch? (Ice berg-ers!)
While giving a physical, a doctor notices that his patient’s shins are covered in dark, savage bruises. ‘Tell me,’ says the doctor. ‘Do you play hockey or soccer?’ ‘No,’ said the man. ‘But my wife and I play bridge.’
What’s the difference between your wage packet and your trouser packet? You don’t have to beg a woman to blow your wage packet.
I’ve got nothing against watching a darts match. I just wish my IQ were low enough to enjoy it.
An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice: once before swinging, and once again after swinging.