How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.
The wages of sin are death – but after taxes and NI contributions you’ll just end up feeling a bit tired.
Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
What does a blonde in a supermarket bending over?
Looking for low prices!
Q. What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A. A blonde parade.
Why did the football coach flood the pitch?
Because he wanted to bring on the sub!
What's gray and powdery?
Instant Elephant.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink.
After a few more he needs to go to the can.
He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying,
"I spat in this beer, do not drink!".
After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"
Dad, would you like to save some money?
I certainly would, son.
Any suggestions?
Sure.
Why not buy me a bike, then I won't wear my shoes out so fast.