I'm thinking about opening a summer camp for jewish kids with adhd and dyslexia, I'm gonna call it Concentration camp.
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Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
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Two bums are sitting talking.
The first one starts bragging, "Today was the best day ever!
This morning I found a brand new pack of smokes just sitting on the ground.
So you know what I did? I sat and smoked every fucking one of them... had the best day ever."
The second bum just laughs,
"That's nothing, today I was walking along the rail road tracks and I found this girl laying on the tracks.
You know what I did?
I fucked her all day long."
The other bum interrupts, "Bull!
You didn't do it all day long did you?", the other continues, "Well, no but it was for at least a few good hours, best day of my life."
The first bums asks, "So did she give you a good blowjob?"
The other replies no.
"How could you possibly be getting busy with this girl for hours, and she doesn't even give you a blow job?"
To which the other replies, "How could she? She didn't have a head!"
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Q: What do you call a black and white thing rolling down a hill
A: A maori and a segull fighting over a fishhead.
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Q: How do u know a black person has been in your house?
A: Everything has gone.
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If you want to feed an injured woodpecker, take it by the tail and hit it to the tree.
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Once upon a time, a computer programmer drowned at sea.
Many were on the beach and heard him cry out, “F1! F1!”, but no one understood.
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Q: What's the Internet's favorite animal?
A: The lynx.
Q: Why did the astronaut retire?
A: He got spaced out!
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"But my elderly aunt was considered a highly respectable spinster!" the society matron protested.
"Can't you find some way to cover up the shocking fact that she died in bed while being simultaneously serviced by two paid studs???"
"You just leave it to me, Mrs. Van Horn," soothed the police officer.
"I'll just put it in my report that she died at the stroke of two."