A blonde was trapped on an island and had to swim 1000 miles to get back to the mainland. She swam 500 miles and got tired, so swam back to the island.
John it’s alright muttering a few words in the church and finding yourself married, but if you mutter a few words in your sleep you might find yourself divorced.
What did God say after she made Eve? "Practice makes perfect."
Why couldn't the skunk use her phone? It was out of odor!
‘I used to live in a sub-basement. The janitor that had the apartment during the Depression had some stocks. When the market crashed, he was wiped out. He tried to kill himself by jumping out of the window and up on to street level.’ Woody Allen
What do you call an elephant that lies across the middle of a tennis court? Annette!
The cops must be after you, because it's illegal to look that good.
Q: What do you call a hairy black? A: A monkey.
Q: How do the Dallas Cowboys spend their first week at spring training? A: Studying their Miranda Rights.
A classic Tommy Cooper gag "I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays", was fifth.