Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one - and let the other one off. 
How do you know if your cat has eaten a duckling?
She’s got that down-in-the-mouth look.
What’s harder to do than nailing a baby to a tree?
Nailing it to a dead puppy.
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What is grosser than gross?
When you're kissing Grandma and she slips you the tongue.
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Q: Why do black women lose their hair at an early age?
A: From all of the hair pulling during rape.
What's black and red, wears high top Reeboks and cant go through a revolving door?
A nigger with a spear through his head.
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What is the definition of revenge?
A baby with a dog in its mouth.
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I love cats – they taste just like chicken.
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The mouse and the elephant stay on the trunk of a smitten tree.
Near them passes the giraffe, who asks them:
Who pulled out this tree from his root?
Me off course, says the mouse, but the elephant helped a bit.
Born free.
Taxed to death.
A man goes into a shop to get his wife a present.
He points out a bottle of perfume and asks