Q: Why doesn't Simon Cowell drink whiskey?
A: Because it makes him mean!
How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole?
Stick a javelin through it's head.
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In the metro an old lady apostrophizes a nigger who was sitting calm in a seat:
In my country, the ladies stay on the sits, and young boys like you stay in their feet!
In my country, Africa, the boys stay in the middle of the fire, and the ladies stay in the kettles, boiling.
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What does a blind, deaf, quadriplegic baby can get for Christmas ?
Cancer.
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A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children.
A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance.
When the exciting night arrived and he sat down in his seat, a woman in front of the lawyer noticed the empty seat next to him and asked why such a valuable commodity was unused.
The lawyer replied that his wife couldn't make it.
The woman asked him if he didn't have relatives or friends who could have used the seat.
He replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
What does the informatics teacher scream when he’s drowning? - F1, F1, F1...
Two clones are on a roof.
One clone pushes the other clone off.
The next day the police arrest him for making an obscene clone fall.
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What is the definition of revenge?
A baby with a dog in its mouth.
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There was a blonde a redhead and a brunette running from a cop.
They hide in potato sacks.
The officer kicks each bag....when he kicks the redheads bag she goes meow....when he kick the brunettes bag she goes ruff...when he kicks the blondes bag she goes potatoes!