A classic Tommy Cooper gag "I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?"
He said, "How flexible are you?"
I said, "I can't make Tuesdays", was fifth.
A couple of Yogi Berra's team mates on the Yankees ball club swear that one night the stocky catcher was horrified to see a baby toppling off the roof of a cottage across the way from him.
Yogi dashed over and made a miraculous catch - but then force of habit proved too much for him.
He straightened up and threw the baby to second base.
Born free.
Taxed to death.
A man goes into a shop to get his wife a present.
He points out a bottle of perfume and asks
Did you hear about the Wall Street investment banker who won $10 million in the lottery?
He's so happy that he's giving some serious thought to paying back his student loan.
Why shouldn't you carry two half dollars in your pocket?
Because two halves make a whole (hole), and you could lose your money.
The mouse is referred to as a ‘little bugger’.
How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.
Q: What do the World Series and bears on birth control have in common?
A: No Cubs
What did God say after she made Eve?
"Practice makes perfect."
Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy?
No!
Tell me about it.
It smells of $50 dollar bills.