The best things in life are free, plus tax.
He was so mean that when he found a pack of corn plasters he went out and bought a pair of tight shoes.
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water? He set a new lap record.
Did you hear about the Wall Street investment banker who won $10 million in the lottery? He's so happy that he's giving some serious thought to paying back his student loan.
At the Cedar Rapids Chamber of Commerce meeting the treasurer reported a deficit of two hundred dollars. One of the chamber members stood up and said, "I vote that we donate half of it to the Red Cross and then give the other fifty dollars to the Salvation Army."
Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy? No! Tell me about it. It smells of $50 dollar bills.
Q: How many men does it take to open a Budweiser bottle? A: none. the lady should already have it open on the table!
What did the frog say to the fly? You are really starting to bug me!
The little snail begs for his mother: Mother, please let me pass the rail road! Thunder dear, not now. In five hours the train passes.
Why couldn't the skunk use her phone? It was out of odor!