Why did the frog read Sherlock Holmes? He liked a good croak and dagger.
"Waiter, this vinegar is rather lumpy." Waiter: "That's because they're pickled onions, sir."
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!”
Did you hear about the Wall Street investment banker who won $10 million in the lottery? He's so happy that he's giving some serious thought to paying back his student loan.
A blonde walked into her final exam very nervous. But when she received the test, she was relieved to find out that it was a True or False exam. Immediately, she reached into her purse and pulled out a coin. Each time she flipped the coin she would write down an answer. "What are you doing?" the professor asked her. "I'm figuring out the answers," the blonde replied. To this, the professor just rolled his eyes and looked away. When she was done, the professor announced that there were five minutes left to go. "Oh my god!" she said in an excited voice, and started to flip the coin as fast as possible.
Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy? No! Tell me about it. It smells of $50 dollar bills.
Q: How many men does it take to open a Budweiser bottle? A: none. the lady should already have it open on the table!
What did the frog say to the fly? You are really starting to bug me!
The little snail begs for his mother: Mother, please let me pass the rail road! Thunder dear, not now. In five hours the train passes.
At the Cedar Rapids Chamber of Commerce meeting the treasurer reported a deficit of two hundred dollars. One of the chamber members stood up and said, "I vote that we donate half of it to the Red Cross and then give the other fifty dollars to the Salvation Army."