Did you hear about the Wall Street investment banker who won $10 million in the lottery? He's so happy that he's giving some serious thought to paying back his student loan.
At the Cedar Rapids Chamber of Commerce meeting the treasurer reported a deficit of two hundred dollars. One of the chamber members stood up and said, "I vote that we donate half of it to the Red Cross and then give the other fifty dollars to the Salvation Army."
Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy? No! Tell me about it. It smells of $50 dollar bills.
Q: How many men does it take to open a Budweiser bottle? A: none. the lady should already have it open on the table!
What did the frog say to the fly? You are really starting to bug me!
The little snail begs for his mother: Mother, please let me pass the rail road! Thunder dear, not now. In five hours the train passes.
Why couldn't the skunk use her phone? It was out of odor!
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were having a conversation one fine Sunday evening. One remarked to the other, ‘I got a new hearing device and it works fine?' The second said, ‘oh yes, my grandchildren just love the gifts of my choice.' The third one who noticed the hearing device in the ear of the first one asked, what kind is it?' The one with the brand new hearing device answered ‘about 6 O'clock'. All three of them looked up in the birds in the sky and said, "Birds of the same feather ‘flock' together."
Can you help me achieve a coronal mass ejection?
Q: How many Jews can you fit in a car? A: 2 in the back 2 in the front and 6.23 million in the ashtray.