A man makes a phone call to an export office in a port of France, and asks whether they can ship a 20’ container with live geese properly stored in their appropriate places. Oui monsieur; what is the destination port for this load? I’m sending them to the zoo in Brazil. Wouldn’t you be better off calling the export office in Portugal? Why is that sir? If you’re sending them to Brazil to avoid bureaucracy, then you should contact the Portuguese; of course!
What do you call Satan and a lawyer? Twins!
Seen in a bar near here: "We don't stand in your toilet, so please don't pee on our floor!"
Did you hear about the small golf course? You don’t have to shout ‘Fore!’, only ‘two and a half’.
‘Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of “rich” usually cancels out the nice of “bald”.’ Rita Rudner
She was so rich she even had monograms on the bags under her eyes.
Q: Why do fish live in to the salt water? A: For the reason that pepper makes them sneeze!
LaShaunda had just given birth to a daughter and discussed possible names with her hospital roommate, LaQoowanga. LaShwanda mentioned a name she had heard in the doctor's office, "Vagina". When the hospital personnel asked her what name to put on the birth certificate, LaShaunda said "Vagina". "You can't name your baby that!" "Don't disrespect me! I be her mama. I can names her anything I want." When the hospital person tried to explained what the name meant, LaShaunda said, "No, No! that's a cootchie!"
What's purple, covered in pus and squeals? A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
When is the best time to bury that baby you killed? When it starts talking to you again.