Q: What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? A: Invite an accountant.
Four Laws of Accounting: 1. Trial balances don't. 2. Bank reconciliations never do. 3. Working capital does not. 4. Return on investments never will.
Q: What's an actuary? A: An accountant without the sense of humor.
Two boiled eggs in a pan, one says "Hot in here in it", other says "You think it's hot in here, wait till you get outside they smash your head in."
English Class Teacher: "One day we will be corruption free. Which tense is it?" Student: "Future impossible tense."
What happened when the cannibal ate the speaking clock? It repeated on him.
Q: Why is the longest human nose on record only 11 inches Long? A: Because if it will 12 inches then it will a foot.
Q: Why was the man arrested for looking at sets of dentures in a dentist's window? A: Because it was against the law to pick your teeth in public.
Q: How is the Easter Bunny like Michael Jordan? ´ A: They're both famous for stuffing baskets!
What does a cow like to do by a campfire? Roast Moosmallows.