Daylight Savings happened when Chuck Norris overslept an hour.
My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.
Q: Why is Chuck Norris still alive? A: Death remembers the feeling of the round-house kick.
Chuck Norris can paste something before he copies it.
Yo Mama So fat... She sat on top of Walmart and lowered the prices.
Chuck Norris gets a the highest score possible on Wii Fit by sitting down.
A teacher comes to the home of one naughty kid: "Is your mom at home?" "Nope, she's not here", says the naughty kid, quite scared. "And your father?" "No, he has hidden away as well..."
Put tape over the optical sensor of someone's mouse.
Yo mama so fat when she was swimming in the ocean the indians claimed her as the new land.
Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago. "Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?" Arnold asked. "Not very likely," his wife said. "It's worth a try," Arnold said, pocketing the ticket. He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the store. With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter. With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a minute. I'll have to look for these." He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop.Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!" "No kidding?" Arnold called back. "That's terrific! Who would have thought they'd still be here after all this time." The man came back to the counter, empty-handed. "They'll be ready Thursday," he said calmly.