The last person to enter parliament with honest intentions was Guy Fawkes on 5th November 1605.
How do you make a group of lawyers to smile for a photo? Just say, "Fees."
Chuck Norris is so awesome, he can dodge rain.
A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, "Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?" The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot. Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board. The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it... with the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day... and then 2 days and then 3 days. Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said... "OK, I give up. Where's the fucking ship?"
Chuck Norris once stared death in the face... Death pissed his pants.
Give Chuck Norris a piece of coal and he'll give you back a diamond.
Chuck Norris can win a Grammy from coughing.
Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
Chuck Norris once stitched up a cut in his arm with a spoon.
Baby Rabbit: "Mommy, where did I come from?" Mother Rabbit: "I ll tell you when you re older." Baby Rabbit: "Oh, Mommy, please, tell me now." Mother Rabbit: "If you must know, you were pulled from a magician's hat."