Best jokes ever

Me using the Siri app on my iPhone: Me: "Siri, call my wife." Siri: "Samantha McLaughlin is not in your contacts." Me: "Samantha Gibbs is my wife." Siri: "I've added Samantha Gibbs as your wife." Me: "Call my wife." Siri: "Which wife?"
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has 77.97 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: communication, phone, stupid, technology, wife
"I thought, Miss Smith, that you wanted yesterday afternoon off because you were seeing your dentist?" "That's right, Sir." "So how come I saw you coming out of the movie theatre with a friend?" "That was my dentist."
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has 77.97 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: dentist, friendship, management, stupid, work
Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live longer.
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has 77.97 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, health, life
A blonde was driving down the motorway when her car phone rang. It was her husband, urgently warning her, “Honey, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on the M25. Please be careful!” “It’s not just one car!” said the blonde. “There’s f*ck*ng hundreds of them!”
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has 77.97 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, husband, phone
Roses are red violets are blue I have 5 fingers the middle one for you.
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has 77.97 % from 417 votes. More jokes about: insulting, poems
There were three nurses in a morgue... They entered a room where they had discovered that there was a dead man laying on the bed with a hard-on. The first nurse was very forward and said, "Wow! I have never seen that before, I can't let that go to waste". After saying this the first nurse sat and rode it. The 2nd nurse did the same. The third nurse explained that she couldn't as she was on her period. After a bit of convincing she eventually rode it. After 3 minutes the man woke up. The Nurses said, "What the hell... You were dead a few minutes ago" The man replied, "yeah I was... But I feel great now I have had two jump starts and a blood transfusion".
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has 77.96 % from 141 votes. More jokes about: death, dirty, disgusting, nurse, sex
Yo momma is so stupid she stared at an orange juice container for 2 hours because it said concentrate.
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has 77.96 % from 1262 votes. More jokes about: food, stupid, Yo mama
Three old men were sitting around talking about who had the worst health problems. The seventy-year-old said, "Have I got a problem. Every morning I get up at 7:30 and have to take a piss, but I have to stand at the toilet for an hour 'cause my pee barely trickles out." "Heck, that's nothing, " said the eighty year old. "Every morning at 8:30 I have to take a shit, but I have to sit on the can for hours because of my constipation. It's terrible". The ninety-year-old said, "You guys think you have problems! Every morning at 7:30 I piss like a racehorse, and at 8:30 I shit like a pig. The trouble with me is, I don't wake up till eleven."
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has 77.95 % from 451 votes. More jokes about: age, dirty, time
Q: What's faster than a speeding bullet? A: A Jew with a coupon.
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has 77.94 % from 1799 votes. More jokes about: jewish, racist
little Johnny: Dad, will you do my math for me tonight? Dad: No, son, it wouldn't be right. little Johnny: Well, you could try.
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has 77.94 % from 268 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny
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