Joke #3051

An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says,"Seven Points." His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied, "It's fart football!" A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says - "Touchdown, tie score!" After about five minutes the old man farts again and says - "Touchdown, I'm ahead 14 to 7!" Not to be out done the wife rips another one and says, - "Touchdown, tie score!" Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says - "Fieldgoal, I lead 17 to 14!" Now the pressures on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he strains real hard but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he has but instead of farting he poops the bed. The wife looks and says, "What the heck was that?" The old man replied, "Half-time, Switch sides!"

Q: How can you tell if a University of Tennessee football player is married? A: There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup truck.

"Waiter, these noodles are a bit crunchy." Waiter: "That's because they're the chopsticks, sir."

Once Chuck Norris swam all the oceans for 7 days and oceans got cold.

Q: What do you call two Asians playing basketball? A: Ping-Pong

I'll never understand how you can come up second in a biathlon. I mean – you've got a gun, haven't you?

Hey babe, can I get into your penalty box? High five!

Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with disappointments.

Chuck Norris hit a home run in a football game.

Chuck Norris once scored a field goal, using a hockey stick!

A psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving give an oral quiz to the freshman class. Speaking specifically about manic depression, the instructor asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?" A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"