When nature calls Chuck Norris hangs up.
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One day a girl was with her mom in the park and saw two teens having sex on the bench.
The little girl asked her mom, "Mommy, what are they doing?"
The mom was blushing and replied, "Oh their making cakes."
The next day the girl and the mom went to the zoo and saw two monkey having sex.
The little girl asked again, "Mommy, what are they doing?"
Again the mother replied, "Oh their making cakes."
The next day, the little girl confronted her mom, "Mommy, I know you and daddy we’re making cakes last night."
The mom was frightened and asked, "How did you know?"
The little girl replied, "I licked the icing off the couch! It was good too!"
Yo momma's so fat; she's on both sides of the family!
One day Little Johnny came home from school and asked his mom what they were having for dinner.
She said that it was a surprise and him and his brother would have to guess what it is after they try it.
Well dinner time came and they started eating it,but they couldn't figure out what it was.
So Little Johnny asked his mom for a hint.She said,"Okay,I'll give you a hint.
I call your father this."Little Johnny said to his brother,"Quick Bobby, spit it out,its asshole!"
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'You're beautiful and I love you," I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied "I just want to be friends."
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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on.
After the seventh order, the bartender pours two beers and says, "You fellas ought to know your limits."
It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom:
"Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may being plowing."
Twenty minutes later there was another announcement:
"Will the nine hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to class."
Two very elderly men were having a conversation about sex.
Elmer says, "Yes sir, I did it three times last night with a 30 year old!"
Leon replies, "You're kidding! I can't even manage to do it once! What's your secret?"
To which Elmer said, "Well, the secret is to eat lots of whole-wheat bread. I'm not kidding!"
So the second old man rushed to the store.
The clerk asks the old man, "May I help you?"
"Yes, I'd like four loaves of whole-wheat bread, please," said Leon.
"That's a lot of bread! It's sure to get hard before you're done!" the clerk remarked.
Leon replies, "Damn! Does everyone know about this except me?"
Stacy: You know Tracy, sometimes I don't understand life.
Tracy: What do you mean?
Stacy: When we were a younger, we learnt to talk and to walk. At school, we always have to sit down and shut up...
Chuck Norris once ran on the treadmil.
It couldn't keep up.
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