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Chuck Norris had to write a story on bravery he got a A+ for writting his name.
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An 87-year-old man chats with his doctor: "So, I'm getting married again next week, doc!" "Oh, that's wonderful! And how old is the bride?" "She's 19." "That's fantastic – but I have to warn you, too much action in the bed can be deadly!" "Ah well, if she dies, I'll just have to remarry."
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Two hikers are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them. They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first hiker gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on. The second hiker says, "What are you doing?" The first responds, "I figure when the bear gets close to us, we ll have to jump down and make a run for it." The second says, "Are you crazy? Don't you know you can't outrun a bear? The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun the bear... I only have to outrun you!"
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Armageddon is defined as the day Chuck Norris gets bored with us.
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Chuck Norris gets younger by the kill.
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Devil stays in hell because he knows Chuck is around, here on earth.
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Chuck Norris can split the atom. With his bare hands.
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Chuck Norris once cried just to see what it was like. The end result was the creation of life.
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Q: What is height of forgetfulness? A: Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
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Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, "So, how's it going?" The second one sighed and shook his head, "Not good, I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me." The first replied, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."
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More jokes about: animal, health, money, wife