Best jokes ever

A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys. The blond guy turned to his wife and angrily said, "All right, who's the other father!?"
Vote:
has 71.97 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: blonde
A guy walks into a bar with a four-foot crocodile on a leash, following him like a dog. The barman says gruffly: "No pets allowed here!" The guy says, "But this is a trained crocodile. See what it can do!" He sets the crocodile on a table and hits it on both ears. The crocodile opens its jaws wide. The guy unzips his pants, puts his pecker into the crocodile's jaws and hits the crocodile on the ears again. The crocodile closes its jaws leaving just one-inch space, not touching the man's pecker. Everybody in the bar is very impressed. To build upon it, the guy declares: "I give a hundred dollars to anyone who does it!" But everybody is afraid to - understandably, each would rather have an undamaged pecker than a hundred dollars. Finally, a man wearing a pink suit, with an earring in one ear, says in an effeminate voice: "I think I can do it!" Everybody admires him, "What a brave man you are!" The man continues, to the guy: "Just don't hit me so hard on the ears!"
Vote:
has 71.97 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, dirty, money, sex
‘Its been a rough day. I put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I’m afraid to go to the bathroom.’ Rodney Dangerfield
Vote:
has 71.95 % from 337 votes. More jokes about: sex
Teacher: Be sure that you go straight home Student: I can't, I live just round the corner!
Vote:
has 71.95 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: school
A Jewish man is walking on the beach when he discovers a bottle containing genie. He rubs it and a genie comes out, promises to grant him one wish. He says, "Peace in the Middle east, that's my wish." The genie looks concerned, then says "No, I'm sorry, that's just not possible. Some things just can't be changed. Do you have another wish?" The guys says 'Well...for my whole life I've never receievd oral sex from my wife. That would be my wish." The genie pauses for another moment and then says "How would you define peace?"
Vote:
has 71.95 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: racist
Nurse: "If youre going to give grapes to a baby make sure you cut them in half." Me: [visibly confused] Wife: "The grapes, not the baby."
Vote:
has 71.95 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids, wife
Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common? A: They aren't much to look at but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.
Vote:
has 71.95 % from 213 votes. More jokes about: black humor, morbid, Yo mama
How do they name Chinese baby's? They throw silverware down the stairs until they hear something they like.
Vote:
has 71.93 % from 640 votes. More jokes about: asian, racist
Little Johnny and Mary were standing at the beach in their bathing suits. Johnny says to Mary, hey you show me yours and I'll show you mine. Mary says ok, and drops her bathing suit the same time as Johnie. He look and gasps you don't got one of these, but Mary laughs and says Yea, but with one of these I can get as many of those I want.
Vote:
has 71.90 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: kids, little Johnny
Yo momma so stupid, she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.
Vote:
has 71.88 % from 232 votes. More jokes about: insulting, stupid, Yo mama
<<<314315316317
More jokes →
Page 314 of 1426.