Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine.
I guess that was why several of us died of tuberculosis.
Vote:
How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day?
Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."
Q: Did you hear about the blonde skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth.
‘Its been a rough day.
I put on a shirt and a button fell off.
I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off.
I’m afraid to go to the bathroom.’ Rodney Dangerfield
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
Vote:
Girls are like an internet virus:
they enter your life, scan your pockets, transfer money, edit your mind, download their problems and delete your smile...
You mama is so fat when we went to the beach the whales sang, "We are family."
Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from
Vote:
Teacher: Where are the Great Plains located?
Tommy: At the great airports!
A drunken man staggers into a catholic church and sits down in a confession box but says nothing.
The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing.
The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final atempt to get the man to speak.
Finally the drunk replies - "No use knockin' mate - there's no paper in this one either".