‘Its been a rough day.
I put on a shirt and a button fell off.
I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off.
I’m afraid to go to the bathroom.’ Rodney Dangerfield
Q: Why was the blonde girl's belly button bruised?
A: Because blonde men are dumb too.
Q: What do you call a redneck that's bursting into flames?
A: A fire cracker.
Q: How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to hire a Mexican guy and two to deport him when he's done.
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Joke has 71.93 % from 279 votes. More jokes about: light bulb, mexican, political, racist, republican
To celebrate their 7th anniversary, a man and his wife spend the weekend at an exclusive golf resort.
He is a pretty good golfer, but she only just started.
When they head down to the golf course after a lavish lunch and a bottle of champagne, they notice a beautiful mansion a couple of hundred yards behind the first hole.
"Let's be extra careful, honey," the husband says, "If we damage that house over there, it'll cost us a fortune."
The wife nods, tees off and - bang! - sends the ball right through the window of the mansion.
"Jesus Christ," the husband says. "I told you to watch out for that house. Alright, let's go up there, apologize and see what the damage is."
They walk up to the house and knock on the door.
"Come on in," a voice in the house says.
The couple open the door and enter the foyer.
The living room is a mess.
There are pieces of glass all over the floor and a broken bottle near the window.
A man sits on the couch.
When the couple enter the room, he gets up and says, "Are you the guys who just broke my window?"
"Um, yeah," the husband replies, "sorry about that."
"Not at all, it's me who has to thank you. I'm a genie and was trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. You've just released me. To show my gratitude, I'm allowed to grant each of you a wish. But - I'll require one favor in return."
"Really? That's great!" the husband says. "I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."
"No problem - that's the least I can do. And you, what do you want?" the genie asks, looking at the wife.
"I want a house in every country of the world," the wife says.
The genie smiles. "Consider it done."
"And what's this favor we must grant in return, genie?" the husband asks.
"Well, since I've been trapped in that stupid bottle for the last thousand years, I haven't had sex with a woman for a very long time. My wish is to sleep with your wife."
The husband scratches his head, looks at the wife and says, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all these houses, honey. So I guess I'm fine if it's alright with you."
The genie and the wife disappear in a room upstairs and make love for an hour, while the husband stays in the living room.
When they are done, the genie rolls over, looks at the wife and asks, "How old exactly is your husband?"
"31," she replies.
"And he still believes in genies? That's amazing!"
Girls are like an internet virus:
they enter your life, scan your pockets, transfer money, edit your mind, download their problems and delete your smile...
Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from
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Teacher: Where are the Great Plains located?
Tommy: At the great airports!
Q: What do you call a Democratic buffet?
A: A free for all.
Teacher: Ramu, how do you spell "crocodile"?
Ramu: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
Teacher: No, that's wrong
Ramu: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!