Chuck Norris doesn't age, he levels up!
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When Chuck Norris went to Easter island, he couldn't understand why other tourists kept asking him to pose for photos next to the stone monoliths.
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Chuck Norris doesn't have a Facebook, he has a Fistbook...
No one's his friend.
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There will never be a zombie apocalypse, because when Chuck Norris bites zombies, they turn back into humans.
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Chuck Norris doesn't blow out brithday candles, they surrender their flames willingly.
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Chuck Norris lives on The Road Not Taken.
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Chuck Norris couldn't act in Titanic because he would have saved everyone.
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In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
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Fear of Chuck Norris is called logic.
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Chuck Norris can kill you as many times as he wants to.
He knows CPR.
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The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning.
The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.
One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church.
They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.
The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"
Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir.
The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy.
After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church.
The priest was holding steady in the pulpit.
The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."
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