Best jokes ever

Two Reasons why it's so hard to solve a redneck murder: Firstly, the DNA all matches and secondly, there are no dental records.
Vote:
has 70.83 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: death, dentist, life, mean, redneck
How does an LA policeman go fishing? He catches one fish, then beats it until it tells him where the others are.
Vote:
has 70.80 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: cop, fish
Yo' Mama is so poor, when you ring her doorbell, she sticks her head out the window and yells, "DING DONG!"
Vote:
has 70.80 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: insulting, money, Yo mama
Yo mama so fat she has more rolls than a bakery.
Vote:
has 70.80 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, Yo mama
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real. It's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Vote:
has 70.79 % from 208 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, kids, Santa
A man is out walking in New York when he sees a girl being savaged by a fierce dog. He fights off the dog by beating about the head with a stick and saves the girl's life. The girl's mother rushes over to him: "Thank you, thank you, you are a hero, tomorrow all the newspapers will have headlines about Brave New Yorker Saves the Life of Young Girl" "But I'm not a New Yorker," the man says. "Oh, then it will say in all the newspapers Brave American Saves Life of Young Girl," says the mother. "But I'm not an American," the man says. "What are you then?" asks the mother. "I'm an Iranian," the man says. The next day he sees the newspaper headlines: Islamic Extr*mist kills American Dog.
Vote:
has 70.78 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, dog, life
I keep hitting “escape”, but I’m still here.
Vote:
has 70.78 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: IT
A little girl asks her Mom, "May I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom says, "No honey, the dog is in heat." "What's that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your Father. I think he's in the garage". The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, can I take Susie for a walk around the block? I asked Mom but she said the dog was in heat and said I should ask you". Her Dad said, "Bring Susie over here". He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear end with it and said, "Ok, you can go now but keep Susie on the leash and only go one time around the block". The little girl leaves and returns a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Her Dad asks, "Where's Susie?" The girl replies, "Susie ran out of gas about halfway down the block -and there's another dog pushing her home!
Vote:
has 70.78 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: animal
An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, “Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and a gold Rolex.” “But you are not wearing any of those things,” replied the artist. “I know,” she said. “It’s in case I should die before my husband. I’m sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry.”
Vote:
has 70.75 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: husband, old people, wife
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day." "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay." The next day the same guy came into the bar and placed the same order for drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!" On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said "Darn! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?" "Yeah, my wife..."
Vote:
has 70.75 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, gay, wife
<<<346347348349
More jokes →
Page 346 of 1425.