Did you hear about the theft at the Viagra factory?
The police are looking for some hardened criminals!
The United States Army will be making a new movie...
They'll be shooting in Iraq!
Yo' Mama is so poor, when I asked where her bathroom was, she said, "Fourth bottle from the left."
Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are on the same plane. The plane crashes. Who survives?
America.
Q: Why do C# programmers have trouble dating women?
A: They want women with class, but they treat them like objects.
Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
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Yo mamma so old she pre-order the bible.
Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.
The driver blonde turned to her friend and said, "You know,it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!"
To this, the other blonde replies, "I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and drown her."
A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.
The lawyer replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I bought?
Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds. What are you doing here?"
The doctor replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I had in Mississippi?
Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds."
The lawyer looked puzzled. "Gee," he asked, "how did you start the flood?"
One afternoon, Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel’s ear and she says, “Mable, did you know you’ve got a suppository in your left ear?”
Mable answered, “I have a suppository in my EAR?”
She pulled it out and stared at it.
Then she said, “Ethel, I’m awfully glad you saw this thing.
Now I think I know where my hearing aid is.”
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