Best jokes ever

Chuck Norris was bitten by a cobra, cobra died after 5 days.
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has 70.74 % from 341 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, time
A pirate was on his ship and his watchman comes to him and says, "1 enemy ship on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my red shirt, no men get injured or die." So the watchman comes to him and asks, "Why did you want your red shirt?" The captain says, "Because if i get injured they won't see and keep on fighting." So the watchman comes to him again and says, "20 enemy ships on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my brown pants."
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has 70.73 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: death, men, pirate, war
Q: How do you know that Democrats are a diverse people? A: Because they keep count of how many people they know in each racial or ethnic category.
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has 70.73 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: democrat, ethnic, political
"Dad, can you help me find the lowest common denominator in this problem please?" "Don't tell me that they haven't found it yet, I remember looking for it when I was a boy!"
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has 70.73 % from 256 votes. More jokes about: dad, school
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day." "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay." The next day the same guy came into the bar and placed the same order for drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!" On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said "Darn! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?" "Yeah, my wife..."
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has 70.73 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, gay, wife
Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "Oh, come on, let's eat the sandwiches." Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"
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has 70.73 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: animal, time
Nurse: "If youre going to give grapes to a baby make sure you cut them in half." Me: [visibly confused] Wife: "The grapes, not the baby."
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has 70.73 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids, wife
Who needs rocks? Windows breaks itself...
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has 70.73 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: IT
Miss Taylor the English teacher writes an incorrect sentence on the board: "I didn't had no fun for months." Then she faces the class and says, "OK class, how should this be corrected?" Little Johnny says, "I think you should get yourself a better man!"
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has 70.72 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny, teacher
Q: What do gay guys have in common with bungee jumpers? A: If the rubber breaks, they're in deep shit!
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has 70.72 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: death, dirty, gay, sex, sport
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