Chuck Norris can fly a submarine.
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Chuck Norris doesn't climb trees.
He just pulls them down and walks on top of them.
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Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.
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Hurricane Katrina wasn't the weather... it was the wind of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick from Texas to Louisiana.
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When Chuck Norris visits Egypt, the sand didn't burn his feet, his feet burnt the sand, hence the discovery of glass.
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Chuck Norris donates his beard clippings to the Army so they can make Kevlar vests.
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The square root of Pain is Chuck Norris.
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Chuch Norris stood next to a bear and was told he had to leave because the bear was scared.
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Chuck Norris never wears steel toe boots, they make his roundhouse kicks softer.
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Charlie Sheen is a drug, it will melt your face and kill you.
Chuck Norris had two 8-Balls of Sheen and is now suing for false advertising.
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Chuck Norris can get a Pepsi out of a Coke machine.
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