Chuck Norris can smoke underwater.
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When Chuck Norris was 8 years old he got into a pillow fight with his older brother, that's why he's now an only child.
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Scientists don't bother to calculate how many years old the planet earth is, they just say it's one Chuck old.
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Chuck Norris is so cool, ice cubes are jealous...
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Chuck Norris can alphabetize m&m's
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Neil Armstrong was the first person to walk on the moon, Chuck Norris was the first person to walk on the sun.
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The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning.
The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.
One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church.
They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.
The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"
Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir.
The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy.
After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church.
The priest was holding steady in the pulpit.
The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."
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Chuck Norris is the reason why George Michael is never gonna dance again.
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When observing a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick in slow motion one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face.
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Chuck Norris won a soccer game. He was the referee.
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Chuck Norris can paint the rainbow... with black.
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